Talking to Your Child About Their Sibling’s Disability

Talking to your child about their sibling’s disability can really help them cope and give them the information they need to create healthy relationships with their sibling(s). These conversations might feel overwhelming, but kids are resilient and more capable of understanding than we expect. When they’re given honest, age-appropriate information can actually reduce confusion and prevent children from filling in the blanks with their own assumptions.

Here are some tips for starting and continuing these important conversations at different ages.

For Preschoolers

At this age, children should start to understand what their sibling’s disability is, even if you feel like they might not fully grasp it yet.

For example, instead of saying, “Your brother is just sick” or “Your sister is different,” try:

“Your brother has Cerebral Palsy. That means his muscles work differently, and it’s harder for him to walk.”

These honest explanations help prevent confusion and keep your child from feeling scared or uncertain about their sibling’s needs.

School-Aged Children 

Conversations about a child’s disability and their care should always be open and honest. 

They might ask hard questions, like:

• • • “Why do they get so mad sometimes?”
    • “Why are they in the hospital so often?”
    • “Why does he get more presents than me?”

School-aged children are beginning to make sense of the world around them and naturally question it. If information is withheld, it can lead to confusion, emotional struggles, distrust, or even resentment. 

At this stage, siblings also need guidance on how to respond when others, whether classmates, extended family, or strangers, ask questions. Sometimes classmates or friends have concerns that siblings don’t realize are unique to their family’s experience, which makes honest communication even more important.

Teenagers 

Along with thinking about their own future, teens often think about their sibling’s future outlook. As they gain independence, they may naturally take on more responsibilities, like driving or helping with caregiving tasks.

Try including your teen in discussions and decisions when appropriate. Ask questions like:

• • • “Would you like to come to the next doctor’s appointment?”
    • “How do you see yourself helping in the future?”

It’s important to remind teens that they are not solely responsible for their sibling’s care. Share information about community resources and other support options so they know the future doesn’t have to feel overwhelming.

Tips for Every Age

• • • Create a safe space where your child feels safe expressing their thoughts.

Let your child know it’s okay to have mixed emotions such as sadness, jealousy, anger, or confusion, and It’s important to create a space where your child feels safe expressing their thoughts. Use open-ended questions like:

• • • “How do you feel when your sister gets extra help?”
    • “Is there anything about your brother’s disability that confuses you?”

• • • Help your child see their sibling as a whole person, not just their diagnosis.
      Talk about your child’s strengths and challenges, and also highlight their sibling’s unique qualities and things they enjoy. This can help balance the conversation and remind your child that disability is just one part of their sibling’s story, not the whole picture.
    • Keep the conversation going.
      This isn’t a one-time talk. As your child and their sibling grow and change, their questions and understanding will evolve, too. Ongoing conversations build trust and help your children navigate their relationship and help both of your children grow up with more compassion and connection.

Using a resource like The Sibling Journal can help guide these conversations. It gives kids a safe way to share, so you can move from vague check-ins to meaningful questions like, “Is there anything you’ve written that you’d like to talk about?

Other resources on this topic:
Tips for Debriefing & My Feelings Chart
Sibling Information Needs
What Siblings Would Like Parents and Providers to Know
How to Let Young Siblings Know You Care