Specially Designed Holidays for Families Affected by Disability

Do Your Celebrations “Fit” Your Family’s Needs?

On the evening of October 13, 2026, Aaron Beck, a family member with special needs, got dressed for his high school fall band concert. As he left home, his father commented that his pants were now “too short.”

It was too late to make the necessary adjustments for that night. But Aaron and his family learned an important lesson: what worked in the past may no longer be the right fit. They’ll make sure his pants are the right length for his holiday concert.

The same idea applies to holiday celebrations!

Christmas and Thanksgiving are among the most popular holidays in the United States. Many families also celebrate other cultural or religious holidays during the final months of the year.

While these celebrations can be meaningful, they can also present challenges for families affected by disability. Just as Aaron is adjusting his concert pants, families can create custom-designed holidays that are better “suited” to their needs. Rather than trying to fit into other people’s expectations or traditions from years past, we can tailor the holidays to work for our own families.

 

Here are six ways to make the holidays a better fit for your family:

1. Decide Which Holiday Traditions Matter Most to Your Family

Who decides which holiday activities are essential and which ones aren’t? You and your household do! Unless, of course, you give that power to extended family members, product companies, long-standing traditions, and others.

Thanksgiving weekend might be a great time to gather your spouse and kids to talk about what they most look forward to during Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever holidays your family celebrates.

Consider asking:

• Which traditions do we want to continue?
• Which traditions have we outgrown or no longer enjoy?
• Have some activities lost their magic and become more of a chore?
• What have we learned from past holiday experiences that could make future celebrations go more smoothly?

You might be surprised to learn that your kids’ top priorities aren’t always expensive, tangible gifts. What foods do they like to eat? What songs do they like to sing? Which simple experiences make the holidays special for them?

Davis School District speech pathologist Linda Winn started a holiday “Cookie Party” years ago for her “little” nieces and nephews. Those nieces and nephews aren’t so little anymore, but they still look forward to the annual event.

You may discover that some of the harder-to-manage holiday traditions are things your family has outgrown. Meanwhile, the simple activities may be the ones everyone looks forward to most.

2. Make a Budget That Fits Your Family

Make and stick to a budget that works for your financial situation, even when advertisers and commercial businesses tell you otherwise.

Focusing on your family’s holiday beliefs and experiences can be especially helpful during those “lean” years, as many of us experience. It can be harder to fill the stockings or cover the skirt under the Christmas tree when money is tight. Even the gas needed to get to a holiday gathering can be expensive.

Consider activities that are free or low-cost.

The Howard family lives in a more metropolitan area and finds that the Spanish Fork Festival of Lights is more affordable than displays closer to home. Most years, they visit the light display and finish the evening at the free Salem Pond display just a few minutes away.

• Spanish Fork Festival of Lights
• Salem Pond Lights

Other notable free light displays include:

• Layton Lights in the Park
• Ogden’s Christmas Village

Keep in mind that Christmas Village is a walking venue. Bring warm clothing and consider wheelchairs, strollers, or scooters if anyone in your family may need them.

A little planning can help you enjoy the season without stretching your budget.

3. Set Up Your Holiday Environment to Meet Your Family’s Needs

Think about how you decorate your home, where you take your family, and where you choose to spend the holidays. Small adjustments can make a big difference.

For many people, decorating is one of the best parts of the holidays. But some families may need to adjust the way they decorate to make their homes safer and more enjoyable.

Special-needs mom Tammie Westerman shares her experience:

“When my children were little, keeping a holiday tree safe and intact was always a challenge. I wanted to create a special Christmas memory they could truly touch and play with, so I decided to craft a felt Christmas tree. It turned into such a sweet, creative project for us—the kids loved decorating it themselves, and I got to relax knowing everything was completely safe and unbreakable.”

 

Sometimes, adjusting the environment means changing where you gather.

Does Grandma want to see her grandchildren but seem stressed about her valuables getting broken? That can be stressful for parents, too.

Consider talking with her about your concerns or inviting her to your home, a restaurant, or another venue in the days before or after the holiday. You can still spend meaningful time together without putting unnecessary stress on anyone.

4. Schedule Holidays Around Your Family’s Needs

Plan your holiday schedule around your immediate family’s needs, and give yourselves the freedom to leave whenever necessary.

The Moore family learned the hard way that putting their immediate family’s needs first can make a big difference.

Although they lived only 90 minutes from the in-laws’ home, Sarah chose to follow a family tradition established before she joined the family. Everyone would sleep over at her in-laws’ home the night before Thanksgiving and have dinner together the next day.

Her son, Samuel, who has autism, woke up in the middle of the night. He wasn’t upset, but he was determined not to sleep.

To avoid disturbing the other 15 people sleeping in the one-level, 1,500-square-foot home, Sarah and Samuel got in the car and drove for about an hour. Eventually, they found themselves wandering aimlessly through the aisles of a 24-hour Walmart.

Sarah is a natural extrovert, but she felt like a zombie during the official festivities the next day. She had less energy for conversations she would normally enjoy and felt downright frumpy in the family pictures that were also squeezed into Thanksgiving Day.

After that experience, the Moores began sleeping in their own beds on the eve of holidays. They joined the extended family the next day for the official celebration—if they chose to.

The other branches of the family now do the same.

Sometimes, the best holiday adjustment is simply getting a good night’s sleep in your own bed!

5. Remember That You Don’t Have to Do Everything

One of the best parts of the holiday season is the many activities available to families. Many are free, and some are even designed specifically for families affected by disability.

But just because there is so much to do doesn’t mean you have to do it all.

Amber, a parent of a child with special needs, chooses to travel from Salt Lake County to Orem for the Brade’s Place Holiday Breakfast. She appreciates that the event is free, welcomes families affected by disability, and offers several holiday experiences in one morning at a single location.

Activities include:

• A line-free Santa experience, with one family at a time
• A photo booth
• Crafts and other activities
• A delicious French toast breakfast that someone else prepares and cleans up

As a pediatric palliative care facility, Brade’s Place also has medical personnel available throughout the event.

You can learn more about this year’s event and register at Brade’s Place: News and Events.

Choosing one activity that meets several of your family’s needs can be much more enjoyable than trying to squeeze in everything the season offers.

6. Give Family and Friends a Chance to Do Things Differently

If you still want to spend time with extended family and friends, give them a chance to do things differently.

Just because one holiday gathering was especially difficult doesn’t mean every gathering will be the same. A few thoughtful conversations and targeted adjustments beforehand may make the next experience much better.

In 2016, the Thomas family arrived at their extended family’s Thanksgiving meal at the exact time dinner was supposed to be served. This timing was intentional. Their son, Noah, has autism and doesn’t do well waiting for meals.

As they added the food they had brought to an appetizing spread, the host received a phone call. One branch of the family was having trouble getting its portion of the meal ready and wouldn’t arrive for at least another hour.

“No problem, we’ll wait till you get here to eat,” the host responded. For Noah and his family, however, the wait was brutal.

 

Two years later, the same group planned to gather again for Thanksgiving dinner. Noah’s mom wanted to participate, but she knew how difficult it would be if Noah had to wait for the meal again.

She spoke privately with her sister-in-law, Emma, about how hard the waiting had been for Noah.

When Thanksgiving Day arrived, Noah’s family showed up at the designated time, as did Emma’s family. The host’s phone promptly rang, and the mother-in-law told the caller, “No big deal. There’s no rush. We’ll just eat whenever you get here.”

But for Noah and his parents, it was a big deal. There was a sense of urgency. Noah’s mom was getting ready to take him home or go on a really long walk when Emma stepped in. She ripped the Saran Wrap off the large relish tray and announced, “Well, we’re having this now!” Noah happily ate vegetables and dip with part of his extended family until the official dinner began 90 minutes later.

Sometimes, a small adjustment can make all the difference between a miserable wait and a manageable holiday gathering.

Make Time for the Adults, Too

Another option for parents who want to spend time with their adult friends is to arrange for someone else to entertain the kids.

Lori, a fellow parent raising a son with special needs, shared that she and her husband set aside one night each year for him to take their teenage son to a movie. Meanwhile, she invites her group of moms in similar situations to enjoy an amazing dinner and a ladies’ night out.

The women enjoy their time together so much that they put the event on their calendars early, helping prevent less enjoyable “to-do’s” from getting in the way.

Parents deserve opportunities to relax, connect with friends, and enjoy the holidays, too.

Make the Holidays Fit Your Family

The holidays don’t have to look a certain way to be meaningful. You can keep the traditions your family loves, change the ones that no longer work, and create new experiences that better meet everyone’s needs. Whether that means adjusting your budget, changing where you celebrate, skipping an activity, or making a plan for a child who struggles with waiting, small changes can help everyone enjoy the season.

 

Just like Aaron’s concert pants, holiday traditions sometimes need a little adjusting to get the right fit. And the best fit is the one that works for your family.